Okay, so…

(cross-posted from the Livejournal)

I had to do my annual bra-and-underwear shopping today. Usually I don’t do it more than once a year, because it is a pain in the fucking ass. But, things get old, cats and kittens shred them, gremlins steal them for transvestite parties… end result is: Nonny needs to buy more.

Underwear isn’t that bad, really. The main problem is finding something in black. I have no idea why white and cotton candy pink seem to be the most popular colors considering that most women bleed once a month. And, y’know, pads and tampons are great and wonderful and all that, but they aren’t 100% protective. Blood leaks through and stains undies (if you wear them).

So why, by Lucifer’s navel lint, do people feel the need to stock 90% of women’s underwear in pink or white???

Of course, size 6 underwear in the brand and style (Hanes Body Creations microfiber, bikini style; most comfortable panties evar!) also seems to be the rarest. I could find plenty of panties in size 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, and above. Hell, there were even several pairs of 0 and 2 underwear. 6? Apparently someone got confused about the Number of the Beast and thinks it’s “6″ and not “666,” because I had to dig like a puppy dog on crack to find any in the style I like. (Oh, if only I could stand to wear regular cotton…)

Since I’ve lost a bit of weight since the last time I bought underwear, I bought a size 5. Hopefully those fit well enough. *sigh*

Now, bras … um. Forewarning: Profanity abounds. (Like this is any motherfucking news.)

It is apparently fucking impossible for a woman with 36B cup tits to find a bra that isn’t a cocksucking push-up bra. (Yes, they’re selling talented multi-tasking bras these days.) If you’re a C, D, DD, or above cup, there’s fucking plenty of non-padded, non-pushup pretty lacy bras. WTF do they think, that anyone who has a fucking B rack is insecure and needs to fucking compensate?

I like my tits the size they are. I don’t need a push-up bra to make myself look good. Hell, I had enough people comment on the cleavage from my wedding pictures, and I wasn’t wearing a bra then. The only fucking reason I buy the goddamn things in the first place is because I have some nice shirts and dresses that don’t look right without them. 99% of the time, I don’t bother to wear the things. (Ask Morgan if you don’t believe me.)

Sure, they had sports bras that would “fit” — as much as any sports bra ever does. They fucking crush my tits and hurt my back. Supportive, my ass. I could probably go to a specialty store like Vickie’s and find something, but I don’t want to drop $50 on a piece of clothing I never fucking wear. It’s not that important.

After scouring the racks, I found two bras that might be acceptable — non-underwire, shaped like a normal bra; I think the fabric probably won’t agree with me, but I’ll give it a try. Then I thought about it and decided to look in the girl’s section. I used to find 36B there before, and I thought there was a decent chance I’d find something more acceptable.

Okay… am I the only person who thinks there is something FUNDAMENTALLY FUCKING WRONG when the only thing I can find in the GIRL’S SECTION is push-up bras??????? They didn’t even have the little training bras I used to get; just a few sports bras, and the rest were all push-up or padded.

I am deeply disturbed.

And I am fucking glad I don’t have to do this for another motherfucking year.

Multi-genre Authors + Pen Names = We Can’t Win

I read a post earlier this morning on Romancing the Blog, Genre-Jumping Authors: Love ‘Em Or Leave ‘Em? Basically, whether or not readers like authors who write in multiple sub/genres or not. The comments, to be frank, fucking disturbed me.

Several people said outright that if an author they considered “auto-buy” deviated from her norm and published a different book than they expected, they would drop her like a hot potato. If the book in question is not a romance but is labeled as one, then they have every right to be fucking pissed. But some of these people were saying that romance writers should use different pen names per sub-genre, much less for other genres like mystery or fantasy. WTF?

I’m not understanding how somebody can not realize that a book isn’t a romance.

1. If you’re in a bookstore or library, the book very well may be shelved somewhere other than romance. This ought be a dead giveaway.
2. The spine will usually say something else besides “romance.”
3. The back cover copy should also be a clue.
4. If you mainly order online, most romance authors will mention books are in different genres on their website.

If both the publisher and the author are deliberately misleading, then yes, you should be pissed. But I truly do not understand the thought process behind “use a different name.” People say you can cross-promote, but it isn’t always that easy. Promotion for one pen name takes a lot of time, much less multiple. If you’re print published, most readers are going to pick books up based on author name or cover art. If you’re using a different name, readers aren’t going to recognize your name. As far as they’re concerned, you’re another new author. Very few writers who use pen names get to put “Mary Sue writing as Dora Delany” on the cover. What you’re left with is people who read the bios in the back of the book, and those who read your website.

What about authors like myself, who have a setting they use for multiple genres? The Twilight Deception is a paranormal romance, but I also have an urban fantasy novel (in progress) and an epic fantasy (on hold) in the same setting, along with many other stories. It’s going to look very damn odd if what appears to be two different authors reference things from the same setting.

And for all the readers who complain about authors who don’t use pen names, there are readers who complain about ones who do.

We can’t fucking win.

So much for compulsively Googling myself…

Yeah, I know everyone says you shouldn’t Google yourself for book reviews. (Though I have to wonder how many of those people actually follow their own advice. ^_^) I don’t do it that often, myself. Maybe once every couple of weeks or so. But there seems to be a rule that if a new review is available, the website must be down as soon as I find it.

Seriously. This is, like, the third time it’s happened. I’m beginning to think this might be the Powers That Be giving me a hint whapping me upside the head with a clue-x-4.

Review Whinery: Quit Bitching and Suck It Up

This has been pissing me off for awhile now, but I haven’t gotten to ranting about it. Today, I read Holly’s post over at Sanctuary’s Finest (and the RTB post she linked), which brought the subject to mind again. Obligatory warning: If you’re easily offended, stop reading here.

All right, look. I don’t know a published author out there who likes reading negative reviews of her work. (I’m sure there must be a few sick people out there, so I’m sticking the “I don’t know a…” on there in case someone decides to speak up just to prove me wrong. ;)) Really, who likes to be told that something they spent long hours on sucks ass like a cheap whore who can’t figure out which end to blow? Yeah, I thought so.

But I see a lot of authors whining about reviews on blogs and boards. Of course, people have a right to say what they want, but so do I. I’m constantly annoyed by people who post a long “woe is me” whine about a glowing review that had two lines of minor criticism. “I wished she had spent more time on… [whatever].”

Author’s response: “OMG! She HAAAAAAAATED it!!!”

Other people’s responses: “Oh, poor baby, the mean reviewer!”

Me: *mutter*growl* *wander off to kill virtual zombies* (Because there aren’t any real zombies to kill instead…)

Seriously, that’s annoying, but it doesn’t bother me as much as some of the other stuff. I try to have patience for new authors/writers, even if I don’t always succeed. At least I usually succeed in keeping my trap shut.

What really cooks my goose are the authors who say that readers shouldn’t ever say anything negative about a book they read. Um. HELLO? If the reader paid her hard-earned cash to buy your book, she is fucking entitled to post her opinion on her blog. It doesn’t matter if you like it or not. Sure, I’d love it if everyone who read my books loved them, but that’s not realistic. Some people are just gonna hate them, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s not the sort of book they expected. Maybe the tone isn’t one they like. Maybe something in the book is a “hot button trigger.” Or maybe they just plain don’t like it. Do you like every book you’ve ever read? I thought not.

The issue is a bit squidgier when you’re talking about reviews blogs/sites that function mostly based upon author submissions. Places have different protocols. For example, at Evolution’s (poorly tended) book reviews, if one reviewer hates a book, we hand it to another. If the second also hates it, the two reviewers compare notes. We then contact the author, explain succinctly why the reviewers disliked it, and ask if the author would still like the review posted.

I don’t think I need to say what the answer usually is. LOL.

Other places don’t give such an option. And they have every right to do it the way they want.

Ironically, the people that have complained the most have been authors who sent their work somewhere for review and then had it trashed. Look, if you send your book to a reviewer like Mrs. Giggles, you had damn well better expect it. Reviewers like that are hard even on the books they like, much less books they don’t.

Of course, then the response is, “Reviewers like that should only give out complimentary reviews or close! It’s mean to be snarky!”

Dot. Dot. Fucking. Dot.

Yes, because newspapers and professional industry publications so work that way. You’ll never see a negative review come out of someplace like Publishers Weekly or your local newspaper. Nope, it’s just full of sugar and spice and everything nice, and you’ll never have to deal with that there. /sarcasm

I don’t really have words to explain how stupid I think this attitude is. This is the real fucking world, people, not a everyone-play-nice sandbox. Sure, negative reviews hurt and make you doubt yourself and what you’re doing–but if you’re going to bitch, do it to your crit partner, writing buddy, whatever. Don’t sit there and throw a public temper tantrum because someone “trashed” your “baby.” (Who the fuck came up with that crazy book-as-baby idea, anyway?)

Shit happens. Get over it and start writing the next book.

I was going to write a rant…

… about Holly Lisle’s recent Chain Bookstores Are Evil post, but the Ja(y)nes at Dear Author said what I was going to far better than I could. *applauds*

And before Ms. Lisle sees the trackback ping and comes to bitch me out like she’s done to the folks over at Dear Author, when you say the following:

To understand why chain bookstores are the Villians of Bookselling, first you have to understand how books are sold right. So we’ll look at the Heroes of Bookselling, independent (or indie) bookstore owners and booksellers.

You are insinuating that the chain bookstores are “evil.”

… hell, I still might write that rant.