Writing As A Vocation

I’m blogging today at The Novelty Girls about my writing doubts. Seems we’ve determined that “my” Inner Dickwad gets around a lot.

I actually wanted to expand on something I said there, but wasn’t immediately relevant to the post. I mentioned that writing is my calling, and for me that’s been very true. I’d told stories from a very young age, but it wasn’t until I was eight and started writing more frequently that I realized it was what I wanted to do with my life. Being a kid and all, I sure as hell had plenty of other things I wanted to do — primarily, veterinarian or nurse. But that one thing always stayed with me: Writing.

Several years ago at this point (wow… it’s hard to believe that much time has passed), when my Dad and I were butting heads because I wanted to leave college and he wanted me to be an English professor, I wrote him a letter explaining my plans — and how I felt about writing. Something I said in the letter:

Ultimately, I have to follow God’s will. I have to follow what feels right. This is not new. This is not some harebrained plan I just thought up. This is something I’ve wanted since I was eight years old. It’s a calling, just the same as a shaman is called. Some people have worked damn hard at crushing my dream, and they nearly managed to. [Former writing group] restored that, and I’ll be forever grateful to them for that. I can do this. I have a confidence in myself and my abilities that I never had before.

This isn’t just a hobby. This isn’t even just a career. This is me.

Certainly, a lot has changed since I wrote that letter. Obviously, I’m not Christian anymore, and I’m no longer at my former writers’ group. While I am still grateful for everything they did to help me, the circumstances under which I left were… not pleasant, to say the least.

But my feelings toward writing haven’t changed. I still view it as a deep calling. I’ve dealt with so many doubts since I wrote that letter … I’ve had so many people nearly convince me that I shouldn’t waste my time; that I should go back to school and get a “real” job … I’ve looked at other things so many times, but nothing calls to me like this. There are other things I could do well, but they would be so intensive that I wouldn’t have much of a life. (Of course, the whole fibro issue complicates things.)

Recently, I’ve been back to wondering if it’s the right thing — maybe I really am wasting my time here — maybe –

Then I think back to my accomplishments over the past year alone. I’m finally making serious progress. I need to learn how to work with stress better than I have been, but … this is what I’m meant to do. And I can’t go letting some stupid stuffy Inner Dickwad keep beating me down.

Now that I’ve gone baring myself here how do you feel about writing? Am I the only one who feels so deeply drawn to the field, to the point I can’t ever see myself doing something else? What about you?

I’ve been Snarked

Okay, not really. For all that people have quivered over the prospect of submitting to Miss Snark’s Happy Hooker Crap-o-meter, she really hasn’t been that snarky, outside of the hooks that seriously deserved it. (A good majority of the commenters, though, are another story entirely.)

What Miss Snark said about mine: “This is unfocused and a recitation of events. Use the XYZ to get the important factors on the page, then start over.”

I appreciate the time and effort Miss Snark has taken to run the Crap-o-meter and comment on everything, but I’m not sure how useful this has been for me. I haven’t read all of the hooks, but there have been others she’s said were unfocused and unsuitable that bear a striking similarity in structure to “winning” queries posted by other authors and agents–ones specialising in romance, fantasy, or other genre fiction.

The “hooks” that she’s liked (that I’ve seen) … I was not at all impressed by, and probably would not have given a second look. But, then, I don’t like the vast majority of literary mainstream fiction. I find it boring.

I’m not sure what to take away from this. I’ve had the query critted by several different people, who have liked it. It seems to be in line with what I’ve seen on SF/F blogs and such. I think I’m going to chalk this one up more to taste… and that’s not a bad thing.

But I think it’s something important to keep in mind. One person’s trash is another’s treasure and all that.

I must be recharging …

I’ve been trying to get back to working on Deceived by Twilight — and I have done some on it — but I think I must be recharging after finishing the revisions on A Passion Draconic.

Why?

Cause I’ve been reading. A lot. Well, for me.

See, when I’m writing, I read, but it’s liable to take me a week or so to finish a book. Maybe longer, unless it’s something that really grabs me — I read J.R. Ward’s Dark Lover and Lover Eternal in only a couple days. (And as soon as Lover Awakened hits print, well, I’m away from the computer till I finish it. ;))

I’m not sure why that is, but it’s been the case ever since I started writing “seriously” four years ago. Except back then, I used to hardly read at all because I couldn’t turn my Inner Critiquer off. (It’s a lot easier to do now, thankfully.)

I’ve read two books in the past three days (On Fire’s Wings by Christie Golden and Awaken, My Love by Robin Schone, both of which are very good) and I just started another. Technically, it’s three books; it’s an omnibus of Susan Sizemore’s vampire “trilogy.” (I read the first book in it, I Burn For You, which some of you may remember as the “one minute man book.” LOL.)

I should be writing… but I wanna curl up with my books and read!

Questing For Titles

I’ve been referring to Resurrection and ArielleWIP for awhile now, but … both are working titles. Resurrection was never supposed to be the final title, but I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to call the damn thing.

So I sat down yesterday and decided to come up with them. Trying to come up with titles is a royal pain in the ass. I ended up looking at song lyrics and titles for inspiration — a lot of the gothic music I listen to has very complex, poetic lyrics, so I thought it might help. And it did — to the point I got more than one title out of it.

A Passion Draconic
This will be the new title for Resurrection. I think it fits, because the hero is a dragon shapeshifter. It doesn’t much describe the heroine, but I don’t think I can without having an overly complicated title.

A Caress Vampiric
This book takes place in the same setting — kind of. It’s about the son of a vampire who discovers he is a necromancer and ends up crossing over to the world of A Passion Draconic. I’m actually revamping this one from game notes from a game I GM’d — all the characters and worldbuilding are mine; I just need to excise some of the stuff the other player added that I don’t want to use.

A Kiss Serpentine
I have no idea what the plot for this is going to be, but I’d intended to do something with the serpent shapeshifters, so …

Deceived by Twilight
This will be the title for ArielleWIP. I didn’t want anything overly “romance”y for a title. My first two thoughts were The Assassin’s Embrace and Kiss the Blade, but I think this works better for what the story is.

Beyond the Veil
The title for the second Arielle & Jackson novella, if I should write it. I’m thinking that one will deal with the portal reopening and Jackson’s past coming back to hit them both in the face.

How do you come up with your titles? Any new and interesting ones you want to share?

Teaching An Old Dog New Tricks

I’ve been working on Chapter 23 of Stronger … and it’s multi-POV. No, not omniscient or head-hopping, but I make direct scene breaks several times to switch POV between the hero and the heroine. It’s working a lot better than it would from just one perspective, because you get to see from the mind of both characters.

Thing is, I’m feeling very … weird about it. I’m not blocked or depressed or anything, but — this is something I’ve never done before. Yeah. Really.

Looking back, I used to participate in writing challenges at a community where chapters only counted if they were 1000 words. For some reason, I’d gotten into the habit of writing one scene per chapter, and I didn’t break that. Ever. Part of it is I’m obsessive compulsive — I want symmetry, dammit. I don’t notice lack of it in other work, but in mine, I want the same number of scenes per chapter, all the way through.

I don’t think it was ever a conscious decision, though. Just something I started doing and resisted heavily every time someone suggested a different tactic.

But … I’m really liking how this chapter is coming along. Cassandra, my heroine, is going out to be social at a goth club, and Alex is trailing her to try to lure her away and kill her. Except it goes a bit differently than both of them plan.
It’s also coming out a bit longer than most of my scenes because of that, I think. 1500 words and I know I have at least another 500 to go.

So now I’m wondering if I don’t need to go back and fiddle with the POV on the rest of the earlier chapters … I dunno. I’ll save that for when I go over it again. Last thing I need is to get perfectionistic again.

I guess an ol’ bitch like me really can learn, after all.
Anyone else have similar experiences?